I’m a lot of things to a lot of people – mother, cyber school facilitator, womanpreneur, friend, CEO, confidant – the list goes on and on. While I am great in all of these roles, what is taking me some time to learn is how to be everything to myself first. Recently, during my scheduled Isaac Newton Time (INT), I allowed other non-INT things to creep into this sacred space. A few were obligations from responsibilities and commitments, some were friends, one was business related, and another was pure personal hygiene (had to get my hair color refreshed lol!).
As the time came closer for these events to happen, I found myself saying “No” to the appointments/meetings and “Yes!” to myself. In doing so, I was gifted a resurgence of my inner peace. I was able to show up for the things that I said yes to in such an authentic fun-loving way and be present! It’s hard for us to say No. Guilt sets in, being a woman of my word rings in my ears. Some imaginary ideal that I’m attempting to live up to creeps into my mind and that inner critic, knowing exactly which buttons to push, takes hold. Oftentimes, I find myself doing things I don’t enjoy for the sake of others.
Learning to be everything for yourself is not selfish, actually it’s quite the opposite. Look at when you are doing for someone you love from a place of unconditional love and presence vs begrudgingly and you’ll see how much of a difference you make when you show up and pour from an overflowing cup. Being everything for yourself means listening to your body, spirit, intuition, moods, energies, wants and needs. While it’s hard to do at first, because truth be told, how many of us really had a role model to show us, as you take baby steps towards doing little things at first you’ll be able to graduate to the big things before you know it.
I can hear you say “Yeah easier said than done”, “You have the perfect situation, your husband is supportive & so are your kids, and family”, “Oh your business is probably at a point where you can do that! Mine is brand new/in a growth phase/spinning out of control (in either good or bad way)”, etc. etc. I understand your sentiment; when I would hear others talk about making time, taking time, building in time – I would think ‘you aren’t walking in my shoes!’ And they weren’t! While I’m not walking in yours, however, I do know that I could tell the difference when I cared for myself as opposed to when I was running on fumes ( my gas light indicator was on E most of the time) all because I felt that no one would adhere to, respect me if, or give me the opportunity to (fill in the blank). You probably can as well.
Hopefully, I’ve convinced you that I bear you, I see you, and I’m familiar with the size shoes you are walking in. If so, let’s get down to brass tacks with some actual action steps you can take.
1 – Check in with yourself, at first once a day in either the AM or at bedtime.
Just checking in with myself, gave me an opportunity to reflect on what I was feeling at that moment and during other moments in the day. Some people journal, some vlog, I say even having a conversation with yourself, although seemingly “weird”, is a great 1st step.
2 – Notice when you feel rested and cared for vs when you’re rushed, overwhelmed, and the proverbial chicken with their head cut off.
Lean into whichever one feels better for you. I have a monthly self care float that my husband forced me to make a routine a few years ago because he saw the difference in me and preferred the pampered rested Kyana to the haggard one.
3 – Take stock of all that you have on your plate.
We women juggle a lot. Some call it multi-tasking, I call it being a woman. At any given time I bet you and three of your best girlfriends have 80 things going on between you, if not more. Just jotting down on a piece of paper all that you do, gives validity to how you’re feeling and all that you accomplish in a day.
4 – Lastly, when something is hard, complicated, too much, beyond you, or you just don’t want to do it – verbalize that.
You’re freeing yourself, giving yourself permission to breathe, & my favorite allowing for Grace & Space! We all need to give ourselves permission to be us before anyone else can. When I’ve sighed and said, “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing!” “This is hard and I need help!” Help has showed up. Maybe not how I expected but it was definitely helpful, that I recognized and was truly grateful for it.
Try these four suggestions, one at a time. You’re superwoman, I know! But I’m not expecting you to implement and have them all perfect by next week. Play around with them, add your own spin, ask what does X look like for me? And if you ever need help, or want someone to talk to about it, here is my scheduling link so we can have a virtual chat!
Good luck! You got this🤗🙌🏾🙏🏽